Monday Musings: "Being Cool - Creating Engaging Relationships"

Is being “cool” a subjective term? For some, being cool is as attractive as a flame to a moth. For others it is something to be avoided. Whatever your opinion we all think of it as a “mysterious quality” that some people have and others don’t.

Don’t believe it. For me being “cool” is a combination of three personality traits. And, regardless of your natural aptitudes your “coolness” can be nurtured and refined.

What makes somebody “cool”?

Having discipline, willpower and the ability to focus attention.

Like most people I instantly feel more comfortable when the person I'm talking to is in control of their emotions, unflappable and can focus their attention on me, rather than the multitude of distractions available. In this instance being able to focus your attention really means being able to listen attentively.

Why is attentive listening “cool”?

Focusing your attention while listening is when the magic happens. Focused attention opens the door to making real and lasting connections. It is only after such a connection is made that you can be truly compassionate and empathetic. As the world continues to change at such a dramatic pace our attraction to authentic relationships will become more and more important. Great value can be derived by simply by listening well. Without even realizing it your “cool” factor will increase.

Why is discipline “cool”?

We all face difficult situations. Those who maintain their self-control usually manage to navigate through rough waters while those who react emotionally will have a more difficult time. The phrase: “cool under fire” comes to mind. Don’t we all prefer to be around people who seem unflappable and exude a sense of personal strength?

Determination is defined as a “firm or fixed intention to achieve a desired end”. Why is Kobe Bryant, Michael Jackson or any other successful athlete or performer deemed “cool?” They have all used their willpower and determination to achieve their goals. We instinctively gravitate towards winners because at some level we want to share in and identify with their success.

And why is being “cool” so important?

We have reached a milestone as a culture. Almost without exception we have learned to spot a phony a mile away. We no longer will accept being sold a bill of goods.

Effectively using social media requires that you offer the reader something more than what you receive in return. What better than to offer them the chance to experience an authentic connection? Now that would really be “cool”!

Increasing your “cool” factor is not mysterious. It’s actually rather simple:

• Listen with focused attention (enabling authentic connections)
• Strive to be disciplined (staying on message)
• Never give up (pursuing your goals)

How will that change lives?

You will undoubtedly affect the lives of those around you. And, you may realize one day that you are, in fact, pretty cool!