The Power Of Thank You

Our lives are jam-packed with massive “to do” lists. Each and every moment of every day we get bombarded with text messages, social media and emails. We are forced to determine the relative importance of each interaction. It is all too easy to glance over each prompt and then, without meaning any disrespect forget to reply.

Our lives our full.

As an independent artist/composer, one of the biggest struggles is figuring out how to stand apart from the crowd, how to rise above the noise.

Creative Collaboration is a Relationship Business.

Relationships are built one at a time. And, like a seedling, each requires engagement to grow.

Neglect a relationship and what happens?

It will wither and die. It may not happen tomorrow. Without the necessary nurturing the results will always be the same. It is next to impossible to rekindle a relationship that has lost its connection.

A way forward:

When I was young, I was always taught to say thank-you. It is a simple gesture that carries enormous weight. The value obtained vs. the effort spent cannot be overstated.

When you say thank-you, you are acknowledging the other person and keeping the door open for future interaction.

If you want to be known, to stand out from the crowd: take a few minutes to send a thank you note (preferably handwritten) whenever possible. Make it a habit.

The result:

There is no way to calculate the goodwill (and potential opportunities) you will create.

Do you have an exit strategy?

What to do when things don’t work out.

Safe to say that we spend a lot of energy trying to get ahead, trying to figure out how to get that next gig, create and take advantage of that one opportunity that is going to airlift us to our vision of nirvana.

Let’s assume you got the call for the gig of a lifetime! You’re elated. Your client loves your work and you’re ecstatic. After all of your struggles you breathe a sigh of relief thinking that you are on your way.

Then there is a problem. Something has happened to upset the apple cart and it’s not working.  Have you spent the same amount of time figuring out an exit strategy as you have trying to get the gig?

Knowing how to successfully end a gig that isn’t working is every bit as important, if not more so, than learning how to get the gig.

A couple of things to think about:

If you are feeling uncomfortable and think the end is near chances are your client is way ahead of you., that you are both feeling the same way.

Once you hit that threshold it is important to remember that you have a choice:

You can continue to try to solve the problem. Or, you can acknowledge the problem and accept the fact that you may never be able to satisfy your client.

What do you do then?

A career is not created in one job or opportunity. A career is fashioned as a result of many opportunities over a period of time. So what’s really at stake?

Let’s say you burn bridges by reacting defensively to criticism or a change of direction. Your client will probably walk away with a sour taste in their mouth.

Let’s think about that for a second.

If you go negative then the potential exists for your client to consciously or unconsciously transfer that feeling to someone who may be in a position of hiring you someday in the future. In this case you might get considered for a gig and then lose it without your even knowing that this conversation took place.

Pretty high stakes when you look at it from the perspective of career vs. gig.

Now that you’ve accepted the fact that the end is in sight what’s next?

Your feelings and expectations are no one’s responsibility but your own. Not your client, your significant other or your friends and family.

Take the high road. Admit that the situation isn’t working and be courageous enough to bring the question up (there are many, many ways of doing this).

Many times we are in relationships that aren’t working and our fear prevents us from acknowledging the problem.

When this happens professionally it’s time to take the high road and be the adult by addressing the issue head on. The fact is: no matter how hard you try to deny it, the problem will still be in the room.

How to do THAT?

If it comes time to bail out then deal with your emotions first before you address the issue with your client. This type of conversation has to take place from a neutral, unemotional place. If you process your emotions first you can let the sting and disappointment pass right through you. This will enable you to be emotionally detached (by removing your ego) during a difficult conversation.

This is hugely important.

If you are emotionally detached then you can focus your energy on being empathetic, even sympathetic, to the emotions of your client thus, solving their problem while solving your own at the same time.

And what is the benefit of this?

If you are gracious and classy about ending a relationship you don’t have to worry about the inadvertent, damning glance or being slammed by your client to anyone else in the future.

At the end of the day the media business is very, very small. 

And, even if you are right is the need to be right worth more than setting yourself up for a career.

What have you lost in the end?

We are all humans. We all make mistakes. We all have problems we struggle to deal with.  A little compassion, empathy and understanding goes a long, long way.

Consider the source

Consider the source when asking for opinions or advice.

When asking for someone’s opinion it is wise to remember that everyone has their own agenda. They are more concerned with themselves than with you even if they appear to be empathic. They are wrought with their own fear, insecurity, needs and wants.

Everyone has their own motives.  When motives and interests align , like teacher and student, then all is good.

But what about when we are working for or with someone else? Do your clients, competitors and peers live by some invisible altruistic guidelines?  Do your hopes and dreams magically align with theirs? In a utopian world everyone would be truthful. The reality is that not everyone tells the truth in large part because their personal truth is as elusive as yours. Try going a whole day without 1 little fib to yourself.

As artist’s we have devoted countless hours to our craft in hopes that we reach our full potential…even surpass it. If you are trying to make a living as a creative why not put the same emphasis on training ourselves about how to navigate in a business environment? I doubt you would expect to hit a home run in your first at bat nor would you walk on stage to perform a concerto without first putting in the time to prepare yourself to excel.

Communication skills that will help you in a business environment include:

• Read body language
• Understand the importance of tone of voice and language
•  How you feel in the room….at the moment… in the heat of battle.
• Confidence that you are prepared for the task.
• Decipher exactly what is being asked of you

The more you understand about the other person’s problems the easier it will be to determine if the advice you are receiving is unbiased and helpful or, if there is a hidden agenda at play.  Are they having a bad day? Is this the way they always treat people? Is this too good to be true?

More importantly: you will know if you are the right person to solve their problem, reduce their pain.

To be sure, agendas are not always a bad thing but, the better prepared you are to read the context of the situation, understand the subtle, non-verbal communications the easier it will be to understand if a person’s needs, preferences and taste are a match with yours. 

At the point of making a decision you will have ask yourself how you feel about it. This is when you will weigh your self-growth and personal training against the opportunity being offered.

The better prepared you are in knowing what you want….the easier that choice will be.

Right vs. Wrong: does it matter?

Let’s face it: creative work is hard. If you care deeply about the result there has to be some level of anxiety and apprehension. Being creative is not about following rules. It is about breaking rules in a way that is pleasant or acceptable for our fans, employers or friends. We have to invest ourselves emotionally to put our stamp on the work to achieve great results and accept the risks that come with it (failure, rejection, etc).

Trendsetters accept the risks in large part because they do not need nor crave acceptance or rejection. They have no choice.  They just do what they do.

The rest of us have to wrestle with how much risk to absorb. Everyone handles it differently but almost all of us will ask the question: “how do I make the right choice?” Here are some concepts that have worked for me.

Step One: Define your purpose

Failing to plan is planning to fail. Without a firm grasp on what outcome you want to achieve your chances of success are reduced to chance. A well-defined plan with clear objectives will become a roadmap enabling you to successfully complete your task.

Step Two: Listen and learn

A successful plan includes taking the time to learn how to effectively communicate with your collaborators. Listen to them. Understand their needs. Be a team player. Again, your plan and purpose will help you see where the subtle opportunities lie.

Step Three:  Look for the best choice

Remove the word “right” from the process. Being right implies there is a wrong. Instead of focusing on approval, analyze the situation to find the best choice. This will help eliminate any fear you may have and create an environment for you to do your best work.

Step Four: Execute

At this point you will have an idea or two. You will be judged by how well you execute. If you can’t execute your idea fantastically reevaluate your idea to fit within your capabilites. Unrealized execution will not add value and may inadvertently sabotage your success.

Step Five: Get to the end

Commit to an idea and get to the end. This could be a song, a phrase, a chord progression anything. Once you have gotten to a stopping point it now becomes something real in the world. Then, and only then, can you be objective about the work. (Remember it’s not you that is being judged, it is the work).

Step Six: Keep your standards high

There is opportunity to improve your work in every project you do. Be honest when appraising your own work. Resist comparing yourself to others. You are you and this is your journey. If your standards are higher than what is expected of you your chances of success will increase dramatically.

The biggest problem most of us face is having confidence in ourselves. If you take the time to understand the problem, know your role and be honest about your capabilities you will add value not only to the work, but to yourself as well. As your self-worth grows so will your confidence.

Vital Collaborations Pt. 4 Create value

(This is an excerpt from a speech I gave at the VizualNow Event July 27th).

Create Value

Great artists spend their lives developing their craft. It is a personal, internal pursuit....an intrinsic pursuit of expertise and competency. 

But what if your expertise is not the real value you bring to a collaborative environment?

Preparing for this talk I did an informal poll of music supervisors and filmmakers. 

To a one they said: Productive working relationships are of equal if not greater value to them than talent or expertise. ... of equal if not greater value than talent or expertise.

At a certain point....expertise is a commodity. There may be tens, hundreds if not thousands of people vying for the same opportunity...with similar expertise. What will make you stand out?

Perhaps... the greatest value you can offer in a collaboration is your ability to work well with others and enhance the performance of those around you?

Making media is a team sport ....you can’t do it alone. 

The great ones are happy to be team player - if the team wins ....they win. 

They leave their ego at the door, roll up their sleeves and just get on with it.

CLOSING

Am I saying that successful collaborations always run smoothly, without problems? Of course not. Strong willed people have strong opinions. There will be disagreements. It’s to be expected....especially in stressful situations.

Am I saying that to be an effective collaborator you should sublimate your opinion, tiptoe through the politics and speak when spoken to? Not at all. You are there because you will add value...because you DO have expertise that is needed.

What I am saying is this:

Those who realize that their self-worth is not dependent upon the words of others...

recognize the value of positive working relationships,  how they enhance the quality of communication...

and vigilantly strive to add value, not only for yourself, but for everyone involved ...

three things will happen:

1- Most likely you will have a positive collaborative experience which will enhance your reputation.

2- You will differentiate yourself from your competition- there is only one of you. 

And finally-

3- you will create a pathway and process that will lead you to a successful, sustainable career.

Thank you.

Vital Collaborations Part 2: Managing your fear

(This is an excerpt from a speech I gave at the VizualNow Event July 27th).

Part 2.

For thousands of years humans have used stories and story-telling to help them accept what they don’t understand. 

We all make up and tell stories about ourselves...which ends up creating a large part of our identity.

And when we perceive our “identity” is under attack we will defend the illusion rather than the reality.

If we are afraid, or uncomfortable it is next to impossible to hide. It will show itself in the words you choose, your facial reactions and your body language. What’s worse is: in a collaborative situation your fear can become the 800 lb. gorilla in the room. Your fear accompanies you wherever you go. And even though you may think you can hide it, those around you will sense it-making accommodations be they subtle or overt. Best case scenario is that the people you are working with will accept your peccadilloes...because what you contribute is of great value. Worst case: you will be let go because you are perceived to be too much trouble.

What is it about my list of successful people that helps them deal with their fears. What is that “gold dust” I was looking for?

It’s not magic....it’s confidence.

Successful people work hard not only on their craft but also on themselves. They practice their interpersonal skills...they meticulously prepare for meetings and collaborations and they understand that without effective communication failure is almost certain.

Think of it this way: 

Filmmakers think and speak in terms of visuals and story...camera angles, lighting, lenses, blocking costumes etc. Composers think in musical terms: melody, rhythm, harmony, sound. If you speak from your expertise you will be speaking a foreign language and the quality of the communication will be poor.

Better to be prepared to establish a common language as a basis for your communications. 

Identifying, understanding and acknowledging what you are afraid of combined with superior preparation will give you the confidence to participate successfully. 

This won’t be lost on your collaborators....because 

confidence is a sign of strength...

and instinctively people will are drawn to strong, positive personalities. 

coming soon:

Part 3 Making connections

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Vital Collaborations Part 1

(This is an excerpt from a speech I gave at the VizualNow Event July 27th).

Part One

It is easy to see successful working relationships. They seem effortless, almost magical.  Have you ever really wondered what makes them work? 

Have you ever been in a situation that didn’t end well? If so, have you ever asked yourself the question: “What did I do to contribute to a less than positive outcome?

All too often we are afraid to address our failures because we won’t like what we see.

When I started doing films I had already established myself as something of a hotshot arranger/orchestrator so I walked in the door with an attitude...self-confident about my musical expertise. Everything seemed to be working fine until I failed miserably on a show and had no idea why or where to turn? And then, I failed again, and again.

This was quite a blow to my ego....expert that I considered myself to be. 

I quickly realized that I had a big problem. 

Failure was not an option so I had to address why I was failing and figure out what I had to do to turn the ship around.

Truth was: I had no idea what I was doing. 

I thought that everyone would just love my music and I would be done. I was the expert. Right?

Wrong. 

In desperation I decided I need to know as much as I could about making movies... that I had to become an expert in moviemaking to continue working....My approach was based on what had worked for me in the past....become the expert and everything would work out fine.  What I didn’t realize was that I was replacing one widget with another. 

What I missed completely was my glaring lack of interpersonal skills.

I would get defensive if criticized

I had no idea how to articulate my position.

I had no conflict management skills. 

I was the expert right?....

Creating media is a collaborative exercise....You need not be the smartest person in the room to be a successful collaborator.

And those that have succeeded have much more than personal expertise to offer. 

I looked to my heroes for guidance.

When I studied the icons of film music, John Williams, Alan Silvestri, Elmer Bernstein, Jerry Goldsmith, Hans Zimmer, it appeared that they were all truly gifted collaborators as well as being musical giants.

If I ever wanted to reach that level of success I had to find out how get some of that “gold dust”....that something special that my idols seemed to exude effortlessly.

What was it they had that I didn’t?

It was obvious these guys had mastered the art of collaboration....but there seemed to be something more that I was missing. 

It was pointed out to me that: 

“we unconsciously sabotage our relationships because we are not aware of how our subconscious behavior affects our actions. In addition, we can be confused about who are and why we do what we do."

Taking an objective personal inventory I discovered that:

I was an expert musician but...

I was terribly insecure

I had no idea how to resolve an argument

I needed constant validation for my work....(the curse of the artist-to have everyone love them).

In this moment of awareness three different topics emerged:

1- Embrace your fear....

2- Focus your attention 

3- Add value 

What does this mean?

Part Two coming soon: